Don't be a hero. Dads can feel stress too

Key takeaways

• Remember, to take care of others you need to take care of yourself
• Keep connected with your friends and colleagues, and talk with them about your experience as a dad – you're not alone. 
• Make time to get your finances in order. We know that this can be one of the biggest stressors for new dads.

While dads may not be able to carry a baby or breastfeed, you only have to Google, ‘dad reflexes’ to see the incredible accident-preventing, life-saving and heroic feats we pull off on a daily basis.  

The transition from worker to working parent can be difficult for fathers. We haven’t had the physical changes that come with pregnancy to help adjust to our new role, and yet our whole world has changed – almost instantly. We now not only have the responsibility of keeping baby alive, but often the burden of the family’s financial future too.  

It’s not surprising that new and expectant fathers are at higher than average risk of experiencing depression or anxiety in the first year of their child’s life. One in seven new fathers experience high levels of psychological distress in the perinatal period, and as many as one in 10 experience depression or anxiety.  

Take care of yourself so you can take care of your family  

The analogy, ‘Fit your own oxygen mask before helping others,’ rings true when it comes to protecting your mental health as a father.  

While our partners can also be susceptible to mental health challenges in the first year of baby’s life, we can’t look after our loved ones if we’re also running on empty.  

Try to prioritise the building blocks for good mental health: Eating healthy, good sleep hygiene and exercise.  

Get your finances in order  

Dads consistently say that financial stress is one of their biggest worries. This, in turn, can make us less likely to take the leave we want, or request the flexibility we need.  

Even if your baby is already here, it can be a good idea to take stock of your finances. You might want to start by drawing up a household budget and being really intentional about your spending, or you may be thinking ahead and want to see a financial advisor to help you plan for your future. You can also access the government’s free Moneysmart website, which offers guidance on savings, superannation and investment.  

Whatever you choose, taking steps to address your concerns can help in easing some of that early parenthood stress.  

Make time for yourself 

Carving out time for you can feel selfish. It’s hard to enjoy exercise or meeting up with friends when you feel guilty about what’s happening at home. Rest assured, a little time for you is good for you – think of it like taking a break at work, it makes you more productive and gives you the reset you need. You’ll need to strike a balance with your partner (if you have one) to ensure you’re both getting time out and the opportunities for self-care you need to recuperate.  

On challenging days, it’s understandable you will need to take over from your partner with your best laid plans sometimes dashed. These days, taking the baby for a walk in the pram can be a great way to get out, get some stress relief, and give your partner a break. 

The early days of new parenthood can feel never-ending, but it’s important to understand these no phase will last forever. One day you will blink, they’ll suddenly be 10 years-old, and you may find yourself missing those night feeds and newborn cuddles.  

Stay connected 

As parents we all put pressure on ourselves. As fathers, we often put pressure on ourselves to ‘fix’ things, that extends to being everything to our partner if they need ongoing support. We often try to hold everything together, and our mental health can suffer.  

Many men can become isolated from their friendship networks when they become fathers. A survey from the Movember Foundation found that one in five men lost close friends within a year of becoming a dad. New dads also feel like they can’t burden their partners with their worries when they have so much going on themselves.  

Mothers often discuss the birthing experience and later challenges with friends and newly formed parenting groups, yet fathers don’t often have those same opportunities (or don’t feel comfortable doing so). Talking with friends and workmates about being a dad, and realising that everyone experiences challenges can make you feel less alone.  It also doesn’t hurt in normalising this all for other new and expectant dads.  

Take action early 

If it feels like things are starting to get rocky or you’re worried about your partner’s mental health, it’s important to get help early – don’t let it reach crisis point. Start by using one of our helpful resources below. 

Helpful resources  

• Centre of Perinatal Excellence – COPE. 

• Mensline. 

• Your GP – if you don’t have a good GP, Beyond Blue’s Find a mental health professional page can be a good place to start.  

• HealthDirect – this service is managed by registered nurses who will let you know if you need to see a GP or go to the hospital. 

• Perinatal Anxiety & Depression Australia – PANDA.